One of the kids’ favorite places to go is the Boonshoft Museum which is a museum geared toward children.  Most if it is like a big indoor play area with quite a few role playing areas.  We have an annual pass that makes it easy to go whenever we’d like and not worry about the cost.  That is extremely important to me because Boonshoft is only open until 5PM through the week.

While I’m not a big fan of preschool in general, it seemed cruel to pull her out after we’d put her in and made friends.  She really enjoys going to see her friends and she balances out the class which has two boys and two girls.  I still have the option to keep her home if there is something happening that she wants to do or I want her to do but since we’ve made a commitment to go to school, I try to keep it.

One of the things I like about her going to school is that it gives me one-on-one time with A.  Before A was born I would take J with me where ever I wanted to go.  It became more difficult with two kids to do that.  Now that I have some afternoon time with A I remember how much fun I used to have with J and I’m happy to do that with A.  I know that they won’t have nearly the same experience growing up, but I would at least like to be consistent with them, even if they have completely different interests.

So while keeping her in preschool three days a week will allow her a bit of freedom from me and the family, and give her time to make friends and develop a sense of identity away from us, having her home with us four days a week (weekends included) will help her develop a strong sense of family.

So this is what happened.  I did have a drink, rum and root beer (delicious), I tend to have one or two a night.  My kids have allergies and we follow a rotation diet which means that we can’t eat sugar every day and in the evenings I want sugar.  If I could eat something sweet and be done with it I probably would but they don’t like drinks with carbonation anyway so the have no desire to try my drinks.

The other day, however, I left a drink sitting on the window sill while I went to the other room to get something for A, who is only two.  When I came back she was standing next to the window and the liquid in my cup was swirling a little.  There wasn’t very much left in the glass when I left the room and it was at nearly the same level when I returned, but it was swirling which made me wonder.

So I said, “A, did you have some of my drink?” to which she shook her head No.  It all seemed a bit suspicious, though, so I asked again and again she said “no.”  My next question was, “did you like it?” to which she said “No, it is yucky.” before she could realize that she was ratting on herself.

Knowing that she had tried my drink didn’t really upset me because it is normal for kids to try things, especially when they see their parents doing the same thing.  My older daughter, J, had actually done about the same thing when she was around two.  I had been sitting with her at the computer looking at pictures, which was one of her favorite things to do.  My wife called me away to do something so I set it to slideshow and set J down to watch for a minute by herself.

On my way back in J found me, drink in her hand, and said “here’s your beer, daddy.  It’s ucky.”  At least she didn’t try to hide the fact that she had tried it.

So I wasn’t surprised when A had tried a drink at nearly the same age.  It just reminded me that I need to keep an eye on my kids and my drinks and never leave the two in the room alone together.  I may not be the best dad in the world, but I’m trying…

The difference is the way they are enacted.   I want my children to grow up with discipline.  They should know right from wrong and even have many types of discipline.  Self discipline is an all encompassing term that I’ll use here to serve as what would benefit my kids, and really all people.  It is better to be able to realize that just because you want something doesn’t mean you should buy it.  Or just because there is only one piece of cake left and someone else might get to it unless you eat it now, even though you aren’t that hungry, that you should eat it.  You shouldn’t.  That’s self discipline.

When I discipline my children I am trying to establish self discipline in them so that I won’t have to discipline them their entire lives.  It’s unreasonable to think that I will be able to do that and I have no desire to do that.

I try not to punish my kids ever.  What I mean by punishing them is to yell at them because I am annoyed even if they are doing something wrong.  If I’ve let it go long enough that I’m annoyed or angry then I have failed them in the discipline department.  When it gets to that point I am more likely to yell at them and belittle them.  I don’t want to belittle my kids because part of my job as a parent is to raise kids who are ready, at age 18, to become productive members of society.

Instead what I should do, if they are doing something wrong is to give a clear consequence for the offending action.  I need to tell them “if you don’t get down now, you will have to sit in the green chair.” (We use a green chair as our timeout chair and only call it the green chair, the girls know what that means.)  If the child does not do as told, she does not get told again.  I correct the problem by taking her to the green chair.

If I were to repeat myself and give her another chance I wouldn’t be disciplining her.  If I let it go until I blew up at her I would be punishing her, and that’s not what I want for my girls.  The world can be punishment enough, I want them to have a sense of safety, security and love.  I’m not in this to break their spirits.  In fact I’m hoping that I can regain some of my spirit through them.  What a coup that would be.