Archives

A sample text widget

Etiam pulvinar consectetur dolor sed malesuada. Ut convallis euismod dolor nec pretium. Nunc ut tristique massa.

Nam sodales mi vitae dolor ullamcorper et vulputate enim accumsan. Morbi orci magna, tincidunt vitae molestie nec, molestie at mi. Nulla nulla lorem, suscipit in posuere in, interdum non magna.

Parents, Children and the State

When I was in college I took course subtitled Parents, Children and the State.  It was a philosophy course during the middle of the day when there was likely no more than one parent in the class and he was the professor.  The main discussion thread of the class was “should people have to be licensed to be parents?”  The overwhelming consensus was “Yes.”

Of course the problems arose from implementation and of course moral issues such as would two people with downs syndrome be allowed to have children.

I was on the side that said it would be better to have parents licensed in some way so that they knew what they were getting themselves into.  Of course we can’t even prevent pregnancy of people who don’t want to have children but are not educated enough to figure out how to stop it.  But I digress.

The real reason for this post is that a friend of mine called me last night.  She is a single, lesbian mother who had an acquaintance donate sperm when she wanted to get pregnant.  Her son is now four and since he was about nine months old his donor has had visitation, which he won in a paternity suit.  I’ll warn you now that this is not going some place pleasant and if you aren’t prepared you may not want to read any farther.

The mother has known for some time that her son has been being molested when he is at his donor’s house.  It started with a girlfriend of the donor’s performing fellatio on the boy and has grown into the donor making the boy perform fellatio on him.  The dad is now in a same-sex relationship and the boyfriend uses corporal punishment (spanking) to deal with the boy for such problems as bed wetting.

While there is enough evidence of this abuse to get the visitation stopped, it hasn’t been stopped.  The mother has told me stories about the social workers telling her that she is making it all up and that it is a feud between the two parents that has turned ugly.  One reason she may think this is because every time the mother calls to make a complaint/accusation/report the donor files his own complaint/accusation/report.

The mother is a licensed teacher and school psychologist but can’t get the social worker to believe her about the abuses of her son.  As soon as she learned of the abuse she put her child into therapy because she knows that when something like this happens it is best to get the child help as soon as possible.  There was a while recently that visitation was suspended and when she called last night she let me know that overnight visitation had been reinstated and that the boy would be going to see his donor for the weekend, starting today.

What she asked then surprised me.  She said that she just wanted people who were friends with her and with her son to come to her house about a half hour before he would be picked up by the donor.  She didn’t want us there for any kind of confrontation, but rather as a show of support for her and her son.  I had a really difficult time seeing this bright, bouncy, beautiful child leaving for a weekend of abuse at the hands of someone who should not be a part of his life or any other child’s.

What made matters worse, or possibly better, is that he saw all the cars in front of the house and called the police to get the boy instead.  We live in a small town and the police officer was familiar with several people who had come to show their support and love.  It was a peaceful evening, albeit a tremendously difficult one.

There are so many things about sending a child to overnight visitation with a person who he says “makes him taste his penis.”  There is no doubt in my mind that the state has failed this child.  I have told my friend that I would do anything that I can to help her and all she wants is support and if I witness something inappropriate involving her son that I call the state.  She has a lawyer and has been warned that if she does anything wrong she can go to jail, in which case the donor has secondary custody rights.

This woman is probably no stronger than any other woman who must face something extraordinary with her child but she seems like a giant to me.

My mind has changed about whether parents should be licensed or not.  I no longer am ignorant enough to believe that the state has any good will or good intentions when it comes to children or people in general.  I tend to believe that people are good-natured but when there is government and bureaucracy involved, nothing good can come of it.  I believe in anarchy, not because I love chaos but rather because I want justice and if a four-year-old child can’t get supervised visits on the grounds that he may be being abused in any way, there is no justice.

Comments are closed.